Sunday, March 29, 2009

In January I went to Big Bear with 9 of the most awesome people I know.

We rented out this ginormous cabin and it was a blast. (I actually did write ginormous because my brother and Jessica hate it when you combine two words together to create its own word) Check out Nate Keiser's blog post to catch up on all the shenanigans that went on.
So I was hangin out with Justin Lyon on the couch...
I woke up from the most awesome nap and saw the strangest thing:

Yes this is a lamp, but what is going on with the base. It's a bear, obviously in a lot of pain, with pine cone back pack. As an artist, what wonderful drug to you have to be on to come up with this insanity? But take a closer look. What does a bear in the forest walking around upright keep in his pine cone back pack? Another pine cone and sticks. Come on...I mean really? Not a sandwich, or a picinic basket?(Hey BooBoo!) Where is this bear going that he couldn't find sticks and another pine cone once he got there?

So then I looked around and found another cracked out lamp. Take a gander at this gem:

I like to think they are fighting over a chick. I don't know which one won in the end, but I see a fire in the eyes of the one on the right that the one on the left just doesn't have. I would narrate this fight, but I'm trying to cut out the personification of inanimate objects. Whoever won in the end, I hope they are very happy.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Loss of A Dear Dear Friend

Cast (In order of appearance):

Gary the Fake Tree
Jeff the Lover of Fake Trees
Jessica the Hater of Fake Trees
Clay the Supportive Friend

When I was right out of college I just got a new job living in a place where I didn't know anyone. I had to make it in a world that wasn't so kind. I didn't have a lot of money and I had an apartment that needed a lot of help. I went over to a friend's house and saw a fake tree that I really liked, so I thought "I can do this! I can buy a fake tree". So I bought a fake tree the next day. I loved my fake tree. When Jessica asked what my fake tree's name was, I named him Gary. Meet Gary, the Fake Tree:

This is my girlfriend Jessica:

(The dude on the left is me, not Jessica)

So the day after I moved into my place in CA, Jessica and I went to dinner. She said in a very understanding voice, "Jeff, did I see a fake tree in your apartment?", to which I replied, "Jessica, are you a hater of fake trees?" She admitted to being a hater, even though I was a lover. Something had to give. I tried to to spare Gary, moving him into less conspicuous areas in my apartment, but it was all in vain. She eventually got her way. Gary had to go. Poor Gary.

Even on such a sorrowful night, Jessica seemed much more chipper than usual? I don't know if it was that she has such a great boyfriend, or the dream that Gary would leave forever was finally coming to fruition. See what I mean?

So on the "Eve Of Disposal", a night that will live in infamy, Clay my good from Texas came out to console me.
Here are my last few moments with Gary:

I'm gonna miss you Gary.

This hurts me more that it hurts you. And remember, it's all Jessica's fault.

I'm sorry Gary, I'm coming for you!

I couldn't fit in the garbage chute

Hold me Clay!
Jessica, I hope you're happy because this was all for you!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Really? Really...

In the past few months that I haven't really been posting, I've come across a few pretty ridiculous things. Luckily camera phones are pretty awesome these days, so I can capture pretty much anything at any time. I would like to share some of the awesomely ridiculous pictures that I have taken in the past few months.

Really? Really...

It's like they didn't even try to park it like a rational human being. At what point do you get so lazy you can't even attempt to avoid the plant life next to your parking spot? What if that were a child, or a puppy...or a baby deer? You heartless jerk!


Jessica Claire and I were looking for some awesome 80's outfits at the Salvation Army when we stumbled upon this gem:

Hmmm...I don't know what to say about this. Maybe I shouldn't say anything. Yes... I think that would be best.

Lastly, this is what happens when you give Mark Becklund two avocados and tell him to pose. At least I can post his picture. Nate Kaiser...not so much.

He's the man...the man with avocado boobs. Still sexy as heck though.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

What Is LL Cool J Thinking?!

I like LL Cool J. He was awesome in SWAT and...umm... well I liked him in SWAT. I don't really listen to his music, but he raps happy and I like that. I also like his old spice commercial- .

I understand people wanting to make money. I understand that former B list celebrities would like to return to their former glory days. What I don't understand is why a rap star, who has built a reputation with his hard exterior (and rediculous chest and abs), would result to starting a clothing line for little girls? Yes folks, you heard correctly...little GIRLS!!! I'm not lying either. Here is a picture we ran across at the mall:

You can find his line at a Sears near you. Sears, really? Does anyone shop there for anything besides tools and underwear? It looks like he is trying to woo a 7 year old, and she doesn't even look that interested. She's probably thinking, " Maybe like 10 years ago, when you were somebody...". And the other girl is thinking, " No way...we came together and we're gonna leave together!" Crazy LL. I like you...but you're crazy.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Things I Don't Like

Well,you would think that after a month of not posting, I would have something to say...but I don't. I haven't taken any pictures since September. I don't like blogs without pictures, so here you go:

So even though I don't have a lot to say, I figured I could at least let you know a little about me. I thought I could start by giving you a list of things that I don't like, so here it is:

  • Cats
  • People who say that I would love their cat, even though I just said that I hate cats
  • Roaches- this fact has been discovered at work, so now people think it is funny to put live or dead roaches on my desk in anticipation of watching me scream like a little girl. Not Funny. Not cool.
  • Hand soap that makes me smell like a chick. I like to choose when I want to smell pretty. By only putting chick soap out, you're kinda backing me into a corner. If I don't come out of the bathroom smelling like Japanese Cherry Blossom you are going to know I didn't wash my hands.
  • Mornings
  • Tight underwear
  • Loose underwear
  • Pretty much underwear in general
  • Man Capris
  • Bad grammar
  • People correcting my grammar
  • People who correct my grammar with incorrect grammar
  • Honeydew and cantaloupe
  • Chihuahuas
  • Christmas Carolers- They make me feel weird
  • Christmas Caroling- It makes me feel weird
  • People who go for a high five when you are going for a fist bump, resulting in some sort of odd fist grabbing action that just embarrasses both people
  • Music elitists who think the music they listen to is so much better than yours...MICHAEL!
  • Folgers- It is not the best part of waking up
  • Starbucks whipped cream
  • Rosy Odonald

Sorry if I offended any of you cat lovers, carolers, or Rosy Odonald. Please note that if anyone pulls any shenanigans with a roach, real or fake, I will bring the thunder!

-Keep your pimp hand strong-

Saturday, September 20, 2008

A Moment With an Iron Chef

For those of you who don't know this about me, I am a Food Network junkie. I love it. I don't cook that much, but I guess I love to watch other people cook. Some of my favorite shows are Boy Meets Grill, Throw Down and Iron Chef. What do all of these have in common? BOBBY FLAY!!!

If you don't know who Bobby Flay is, the best way to describe him is Superman with a chef's coat. Catch up on your Food Network and you too will agree. So a few weeks ago Boomer, one of my good friends from college, met me in Vegas for a weekend of...prayer and fasting. Well we just happened to be praying and fasting in Caesar's Palace when, you guessed it, Bobby Flay walked right past us. So Boomer and I went over to him and started talking to him. He said that he was testing out recipes for a new Throw Down and asked us to try them out. So we went back into his restaurant and Bobby Flay started cooking for us. UNBELIEVABLE! Here we are, in Vegas, having one of the greatest chefs in the world cooking for us. He was so much fun. He showed us around and we rode the roller coaster at New York, New York with him. So we left with our bellies full of delicious Bobby Flay food, a doggy bag for later and some great stories to tell.
OK... here is what really happened. Bobby Flay walked past us and Boomer pointed him out to me. I got all sweaty and nervous and started semi-stalking the guy. He was on the phone so I was waiting for him to get off so I could take a picture with him. He started walking away so I took this picture that you couldn't make out was him if you sent it off to CSI. However...still one of the greatest moments of my life.
I know you can't see much, but the white figure in the middle of the screen is Bobby.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


I just want to let all of you mid 20's-30 somethings that they are remaking (da na na na, da na na na, smack smack) Beverly Hills 90210! (That was the beginning of the theme song. I realize that my words to not reflect tone, which is why I didn't do the whole song. That would have gotten weird once I got to the guitar solo)


I am totally stoked. The new show lacks big belly jeans, t-shirts with sleeves rolled up and 30 year olds playing high schoolers...but it is still totally awesome! Think The OC with Jenny Garth and Shannon Dougherty. Kelly has a four year old boy on the show, and they keep on making references to "The Dad". You know who I think the dad is? Brandon. You heard it here first, folks...Brandon is Kelly's baby daddy! Nat still has a restaurant on the show, but it's no Peach Pit. I guess they're classing up the show. I'm still waiting on Luke Perry to show up in his Porsche late to 3rd period...because he's troubled, and that's what troubled high schoolers do. Ever since The OC got cancelled I have been waiting for another high school drama to start back up...but this is better than I could have hoped for. Merry Christmas to me.

90210...who would have thought?