Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Loss of A Dear Dear Friend

Cast (In order of appearance):

Gary the Fake Tree
Jeff the Lover of Fake Trees
Jessica the Hater of Fake Trees
Clay the Supportive Friend

When I was right out of college I just got a new job living in a place where I didn't know anyone. I had to make it in a world that wasn't so kind. I didn't have a lot of money and I had an apartment that needed a lot of help. I went over to a friend's house and saw a fake tree that I really liked, so I thought "I can do this! I can buy a fake tree". So I bought a fake tree the next day. I loved my fake tree. When Jessica asked what my fake tree's name was, I named him Gary. Meet Gary, the Fake Tree:

This is my girlfriend Jessica:

(The dude on the left is me, not Jessica)

So the day after I moved into my place in CA, Jessica and I went to dinner. She said in a very understanding voice, "Jeff, did I see a fake tree in your apartment?", to which I replied, "Jessica, are you a hater of fake trees?" She admitted to being a hater, even though I was a lover. Something had to give. I tried to to spare Gary, moving him into less conspicuous areas in my apartment, but it was all in vain. She eventually got her way. Gary had to go. Poor Gary.

Even on such a sorrowful night, Jessica seemed much more chipper than usual? I don't know if it was that she has such a great boyfriend, or the dream that Gary would leave forever was finally coming to fruition. See what I mean?

So on the "Eve Of Disposal", a night that will live in infamy, Clay my good from Texas came out to console me.
Here are my last few moments with Gary:

I'm gonna miss you Gary.

This hurts me more that it hurts you. And remember, it's all Jessica's fault.

I'm sorry Gary, I'm coming for you!

I couldn't fit in the garbage chute

Hold me Clay!
Jessica, I hope you're happy because this was all for you!


Anonymous said...

You're kiling me!

Jamie said...

That was awesome! You can come visit my fake tree when you come to Oklahoma :)

Anonymous said...

That's really cold to dump the fake tree like that Jeff. Don't you know that a fake tree would never "leave" you? They would also never take your last drink or your last meal. Maybe he will find a new home and "branch out" and you will just be a "shadow" in his past.

Anonymous said...

Sierra Club will be in contact with you!

Sara said...

Hi Jeff,
I am also a fake tree could have given the tree to me and visited whenever you came into town..but NO you threw Mr. Tree away. I am sad for tree guy.

I have always wanted a mongo silk tree..have yet to find the perfect one for my place. One of these days..

I am with you in fake tree spirit!


Mark Brooke Photographers said...

ahhhh this is the saddest day I have ever heard of... i am so sorry for your loss

Jasmine said...

I with Jess! Fake trees are so 1987! ;) said...

I have a tree just like that in my home office. But, mine is taller. Hm, maybe it's Gary's brother named Barry the Fake Tree?

Bethany Fegles Photography said...

Oh my gosh, your blog is HILARIOUS!

Anna said...

This is absolutely hilarious! I have to say that I am also a fake tree hater. Sometimes change really is for the better!!!

Anonymous said...

I love it!!! You are such a real dude!!!

Sentimental Visions Photography said...

That's hilarious!!

Emily Heizer said...

Jessica is a MEAN MEAN MEAN girl!!!!


Poor, sweet Gary. :(

May be rest in peace.

Anonymous said...

aaaah ha ha ha ha - sorry Jeff (and Gary), but Jessica wins!
And this blog really is hilarious...well done!

Simply Modern Weddings said...

OMG...that looks like my old apartment in Orange! I totally remember the trash chutes. :-) LOVE the blog...lots of laughs!

Anonymous said...

I don't know you (I found your blog through Jessica's - who don't know either, call me a fan...) but I like your razor wit. I have never seen a fake tree in Australia....gathering it must be an American thing?

Anonymous said...

Thank god it was only the fake tree she hated

Anonymous said...

I'm LAWLING over the comment before mine. If you really like fake trees, you should go to Crate and Barrel because they have fake trees that look amazing. A good fake tree costs a lot of money so that it doesn't look fake.
P.S. You and Jessica make a cute couple, even though I don't personally know either of you. Your blog is hilarious and she takes awesome photos---sounds like a match made in heaven to me!

Anonymous said... really cracked me deepest condolence.. :P Bye gary! you will find a better place, somehow.