Gary the Fake Tree
Jeff the Lover of Fake Trees
Jessica the Hater of Fake Trees
Clay the Supportive Friend
When I was right out of college I just got a new job living in a place where I didn't know anyone. I had to make it in a world that wasn't so kind. I didn't have a lot of money and I had an apartment that needed a lot of help. I went over to a friend's house and saw a fake tree that I really liked, so I thought "I can do this! I can buy a fake tree". So I bought a fake tree the next day. I loved my fake tree. When Jessica asked what my fake tree's name was, I named him Gary. Meet Gary, the Fake Tree:
(The dude on the left is me, not Jessica)
So the day after I moved into my place in CA, Jessica and I went to dinner. She said in a very understanding voice, "Jeff, did I see a fake tree in your apartment?", to which I replied, "Jessica, are you a hater of fake trees?" She admitted to being a hater, even though I was a lover. Something had to give. I tried to to spare Gary, moving him into less conspicuous areas in my apartment, but it was all in vain. She eventually got her way. Gary had to go. Poor Gary.
Even on such a sorrowful night, Jessica seemed much more chipper than usual? I don't know if it was that she has such a great boyfriend, or the dream that Gary would leave forever was finally coming to fruition. See what I mean?
So on the "Eve Of Disposal", a night that will live in infamy, Clay my good from Texas came out to console me.
Here are my last few moments with Gary:
I'm gonna miss you Gary.
This hurts me more that it hurts you. And remember, it's all Jessica's fault.
I'm sorry Gary, I'm coming for you!
I couldn't fit in the garbage chute